It's going to be sweeter the second time around.

People often ask me if I'm having 'the time of my life' over here, or what amazing thing has happened. The truth of the matter is, despite all the prestige and awe attached to attending this institution, sometimes i still have 'what ifs' in my mind - about how life would have been if i chose to stay in singapore, how much fun it could have been (not to mention the weather, which i now begin to appreciate after New England's harsh weather experience... yesterday it was as hot as Singapore or the Philippines, today its close to 0C. beat that.)

I surmise uni life would have been so much fun, so much easier, with less of the pressure that pervades the campus 24/7 - about having to do everything and do them really well, about having to be extraordinarily talented. Before, i must say i always 'got things done my way' - i guess, in most sense of the word. With people around to help you in times of need, with people to chill and have fun, with the knowhow on how to get a lot of things done. I knew coming here entailed a lot of adjustment, but i guess i just underestimated it - it's not that easy, and not that fast. Not as smooth and as fast as i adjusted when i left everything back home and went to Singapore having to start from scratch again. sometimes having to work really hard, feel adjusted, and just when u are about to 'reap the rewards of your hardwork and adjustment', you suddenly have to give it up again to start anew, seems really hard. Having to do it twice in a span of 5 years is really tough, not to say disheartening at times.

I must admit, i often long for the good old days. I long for the days when i could just talk rubbish whenever i feel like doing so in class while talking serious and intelligent things too when i feel like it. I miss those times when you feel that u really belong and are an integral part of the school, a member who contributes a lot to it, giving u the true sense of ownership and saying proudly 'this is my school'. i pine for those times when i just can be a normal person without always having to be an overachiever and an intellectual - i believe this is the environment that brings out the best in me. I have tj to prove it... not saying that tj isn't excellent, just that it fosters a conducive environment for people like me to find ourselves. But those WERE the days.

Looking ahead is smarter than clinging to the past. For whatever nostalgia I still hold about my high-school, 'good life' days, I'm now married to this place. For better or worse. But I'm going to make sure it's for the former; I'm now in the process of reclaiming it. Step by step, one by one, they will fall into place. And then I can say that I did it again.

It's going to be sweeter the second time around.