'In The Pursuit of Happiness'

Sometimes I wonder what I am here for, whether some things are really worth pursuing or are just lofty ideals which we try to hold dear but aren't practical at all.

I'm going to be frank and honest. I don't have my future all planned out like what some people might think. I don't have the noblest of intentions all the time, and I don't have the biggest (or one of the biggest) heart in the world, as some people may incorrectly surmise.

The past few days here at Harvard made me really reflect what I want to do with my life. Being in this amazing place just somehow gives you a feeling that you can do anything you want in the world. Where else can you have Nobel Laureate professors, presidents and prime ministers giving talks (President Kagame of Rwanda gave a talk today, and next week it's President Bachelet of Chile's turn - practically every week we have a couple of dignitaries who serve as superstar guest lecturers), companies like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley doing campus recruiting, and really awesome classmates??? Well I guess not in a lot of places.

My point is that I began to question myself if I am here just to help me become successful - like being in the investment banking industry - or for something more 'substantial'? Yesterday night, I attended the info session of the Harvard Program for International Education wherein Harvard students teach International Affairs to Boston public high schools. Well, I was really enamored by the program, I'm definitely signing up for it. It just made me realize on how much I love education and teaching, which dates back to my Zapatera Elementary School tutoring days in the Philippines where we tutored kids from public schools. Although I may not be a very good teacher YET (as some of my students can attest), I think I really have the heart for it. I'd really love to teach and get involved in education reform and planning in different countries especially my own. However, I sometimes wonder: is this just the idealistic me speaking? Working my ass off in Singapore and getting a Harvard education, why don't I just take the good life, earn the big bucks, and perhaps donate some money or do some pro-bono consulting for education reform later on? Plus, working for changes in my country isn't an easy feat, and for my personal circumstances, which I shall not elaborate to remain politically correct, this may be close to impossible. I sometimes feel that my 'dreams' of making positive changes are too idealistic, and sometimes it can dampen my enthusiasm. But I guess these are just typical questions one faces when searching for one's purpose.

If I graduate with one of the highest honors in Harvard, would I go back to my country, apply to teach and earn a starting salary of $200 (maybe a bit higher, considering inflation...ok $200 if you take 2008 as the base year)? Maybe, maybe not.

But then again, there are no real answers to hypothetical questions.

I'm not writing this just to showcase my 'lofty goals and ambitions'. What I just blogged about are serious issues which I face daily, and which I hope I can resolve in the next few years as I search for myself in this amazing community, and in the communities that I will be able to immerse myself along the way.

In four years time, actions will speak louder than words.